Anyone who's ever looked into purchasing a car seat will know just how daunting a task it is! There are so many options let alone opinions and which one is actually going to be right for your situation.
As qualified child restraint technicians we deal with this task everyday. We know the questions to ask and the things to look for to make finding that perfect seat so much easier. Here's a few tips and things to consider to give you the head start in your car seat search.
1. What's your budget? - Think about what you can afford to spend on a seat and don't be afraid to say. Not everyone has endless cash available to them so make sure you know your budget. We tend to work off the idea that we will find you the best seat that we can for the money that you have whether that's $300 or $1000. There are amazing seat options available in all price brackets so setting that budget helps narrow down your options.
2. Will it fit your car? - Car seats are not a 1 size fit's all unfortunately, especially when we are fitting them to vehicles. In NZ you can purchase 3 different standard of car seat (AUS/NZ, USA & European) and each standard has different requirements. This can cause so much confusion especially when you're receiving well intended but often incorrect advice from friends, family and online forums. This misinformation often leads to people purchasing seats that aren't compatible with their vehicles. Common incompatibilities we come across are things like not having anchor points available, inability to get a tight enough install, seat not fitting between belt and buckle (especially in the middle). Another VERY common issue is the amount of space a car seat can take up when rear facing, so often we see front passenger seats that are so far forward it's unsafe or impossible for a passenger to sit in it. The other thing to look at is how does the seat install? Is it with a seat belt, Latch or ISOFIX? We strongly advise against purchasing a car seat unless you have tried it in your vehicle first!!
3. How many kids are you planning? - This question gets some strange looks especially when you have a lovely couple standing there pregnant with their first baby! They can't see past the birth of this baby let alone any more. In all seriousness though, if you are planning on having 3 babies or more in the future you can save yourself a lot of time, not to mention money, by buying seats from the start that will be compatible in the future. The big shiny wide seat with lots off bells and whistles attached might look cool now but if you're trying to puzzle that into a 3 across combo you'll probably end up throwing it on the floor.
4. Does the seat suit your child? - Just like not all car seats fit all cars not all children fit all seats. Due to the different standard of child restraint and each having different requirements this can also cause confusion. Some have tethers, some don't, some have chest clips, some don't, some can convert to boosters, some don't and so on! We need to pick a seat that's going to be suitable for your child's needs so you get the best value for your money and they are the safest they can be. If you've got a chunky little bubba and you want to keep them rear facing until the recommended age of 2 you probably don't want to buy a seat with a rear facing limit of only 13kg... make sense? Your child's age, height, weight and maturity are all things we need to consider when picking out that perfect seat!
5. What functions are important to you in a seat? - Now this question covers so many different things but some other questions we often ask include - How long do you want to rear face? Will the seat be moved often? Is it likely to be used by other children? Are you looking for a quick easy install? Does your child sleep a lot in the car? Would you like them to have a chest clip? Would you want to recline them forward facing? Are you wanting a seat with steel framing? Do you travel (pre-covid world)? There's so many things to consider and most of the time people have never thought about these things.
So in a nutshell buying a car seats isn't actually always as simple as just buying the 'safest one' so we highly recommend seeking the advice of a qualified child restraint technician to help you decide on the perfect seat for you.
You can always pop in and see us in store at 63 Harrison St, Ashburton and we will be more than happy to help you navigate your car seat needs.
Take care & Best wishes
Zalie xxxxx
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There was some planning and preparing, last minute shopping to get activities to see the kids through the time at home. Stocking up on paints and paper, treats and baking goods. I set up a ’shop’ to limit the snack foods and to keep the kids motivated to do their chores. I was realistic with the idea of ‘home schooling’. We set expectations early on that were fair and relaxed while ensuring they continued to do something towards learning. We planned structure to our day and also had the realism that they would probably spend far too long in front of the TV or on devices. I felt prepared, well at least I thought I was prepared for what I thought would be the challenges.
Turns out that no matter how ‘prepared’ I was this is actually hard….. Like REALLY HARD! And it’s not the stuff I ‘planned’ for that has been hard, maybe that’s because I was prepared for that stuff. It’s been the stuff I didn’t even consider that has really made this lockdown a struggle.
It’s been my 9 year old asking me every morning “Mum what are we going to do today?” I don’t want to say ‘not much’ which is the truth, because she gets upset. I don’t suggest ANYTHING because whatever I say isn’t what she wants to do and she gets upset. What I say most mornings is “what would you like to do today darling and I’ll try and make it happen!”… but that’s not right either. This morning her response was “This is dumb and I hate this house and I just want to run away”… the thing is I agree with her, running away sounds good right about now!
The fighting is also hard. My kids fight, apparently it’s normal for siblings, I grew up an only child. But this fighting is next level, it’s not the same ‘you pissed me off’ fighting, it’s deeper. ALL my children are on edge, they are all showing signs of stress and anxiety, they are all missing their ‘normal’ lives and as much as I try and explain stuff and as much as they say they understand I can see they are so frustrated. They are all school aged and have lives outside this house. They miss their schools and teachers, they miss their friends, they miss their sports and group activities, they miss their freedom… and I don’t blame them because I feel exactly the same.
It’s the emotions I’m struggling with. The anger in my son driven by frustration and boredom. The sadness in my almost teenager because she can’t see her best friend. The short temper of my husband because just like me he’s also worn down by all the same struggles as me…. Then there’s my emotions which are the same as everyone else’s.
It’s the fact my sleep is so screwed up even though I still go to bed at a normal hour. I’m not sleeping well… maybe that’s because I’m not as ‘busy’ and worn out. I’m sleeping in when I normally wouldn’t and I don’t feel that getting up has the same purpose even when I have reasons to start my day… I am longing for the day I fall into bed after a hard days work and it’s because I’ve actually been to work!
And it’s the constantly being with the people I love the most. I didn’t think I would find spending so much time with the most important people in my life so god dam hard. If I had to choose only 4 people to see again for the rest of my life I would 100% choose the same 4 people I’m currently stuck in a house with, but that’s doesn’t make it any easier…. I just want a break from them and I think they want a break from me.
But I am also so grateful to have had this time. I am grateful for the drop in Covid-19 cases, I am grateful no one I know is seriously ill from it. I am grateful I have a home to be locked up in and even more grateful it’s warm and every day we have had good food on our table. I truely am grateful for the time with my family, the games, the activities, the joining in with the 'school work, the walks and the talks. BUT it has also made me realise I am grateful for the morning rush, the nagging to make school lunches and get out the door. I’m grateful for the juggling act of 3 children's after school activities alongside running and working in my own business. I am grateful for the mundane routine that was my life and I absolutely can’t wait to get back to it.
Let’s hope there isn’t too much longer to go…….
Zalie xx
]]>So my question is 'why is “sleeping through the night” the gold standard?' and 'what exactly defines sleeping through?'d Is it sleeping a stretch of 6-8 hours? Is it sleeping from midnight till morning? What is morning? 5,6 or 7am? Is it sleeping 7pm – 7am?
In a recnt facebook survey I conducted just short of 80% of adults claimed they woke at least once a night for various reasons so why is it we are all waiting for the day our child stops waking at night. It is common for babies and children to wake during the night, just like adults. When they are younger they seek our support during those wake ups and as they get older they tend to learn to manage themselves when they stir…. Only last week my 8 year old was up independantly feeding our cats at 4am without my support!
So where have our expectations come from and what exactly is normal?
Something that really gets to me is when a new parent is asked “Is he/she a good baby?” or the elusive “are they sleeping well?” – come on people, what are you expecting to hear! Even with good intention behind the questions in an instant we are associating a newborn that wakes frequently, has unsettled moments or requires parental closeness with being somewhat not ok. And guess what? ALL of that behaviour for a newborn is NORMAL.
A Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behaviour in Normal Infants during the First Year of Life published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine (Bruni O, 2014) has found that sleep duration for the early infancy period varies from 10-17 hours in 24 hours. It also found that during the first 6 months high variability in day and nighttime sleep patterns was very common with more stability in sleep from 6 months of age, however waking 1-2 times a night at all ages was most common.
Another interesting finding from the study showed that there are so many infulential factors when it comes to what is considered as “normal” sleep patterns. Things like cultural influence, infants age and developmental stages, parental interactions and support impacted greatly on infant sleep.
So how do we define ‘normal’ or ‘good’ sleeping in our babies…. Well I’m not sure we can! There is so much variance, so many differing opinions, so many influencing factors and more than enough conflicting advice that I believe we need to approach sleep on a purely individual basis!
My motto is and always has been ‘If you are ok with how you are approaching sleep with your baby then it’s fine’. Other peoples advice, input and opinions do not matter if you aren’t seeking their support.
On the flipside infant sleep behaviour can and does greatly impact on maternal and family wellbeing, I get that. Sometimes infant sleep, or lack of, contributes to incidences of postnatal depression and depletion and I totally support all families that can identify and admit that. If you need to make changes around how you manage or support your babys sleep then by all mean seek the support and/or advice of those you trust to help make the changes you desire. There are some amazing resources and awesome people who can help you to implement some gentle support to aid you and your baby to find more peace with their sleep behaviour.
To sum up, sleep is essential for health and wellbeing, growth and recovery but please don’t set your expectations of what it should be based on societies idealisations. Sleep is so indervidual we can not expect everyone, including babies, to fall into the same sleep behaviours.
If it’s not a problem for you, it’s not a problem.
Take care
Zalie xxxx
Bruni O, B. E. (2014). Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants during the First Year of Life. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine.
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From the moment my milk came in I knew we were again dealing with Reflux (my older daughter had it too). She would become upset, irritable, arching her back, vomiting, windy etc after every feed! I took her to the doctor at 5 days old to get her some Gaviscon (as I assumed that would be all we needed) the doctor sat there questioning me about my parenting skills asking me if I was remembering to ‘wind’ her and telling me she just had ‘colic’! Her first weigh in after birth she had lost 140g. Now although that is considered ‘normal’ it came as quite a shock to me as my oldest daughter had gained 105g in her first 5 days and I guess I just assumed Mouse would too! 6 days later she was weighed again and had only gained 10g... I was devastated!!!! She was still showing signs of reflux and it seemed the Gaviscon wasn’t doing anything!
On top of being unsettled she had started refusing breast feeds and was becoming irritable whilst feeding! Her big sister had always LOVED to feed despite the reflux, she was happiest attached to mum’s boob, and would fall asleep on me and used feeding as comfort! I always got the sense that Mouse only ever took ‘what she needed’ and was off! She never relaxed, never fell asleep, she was always very tense when feeding! I took her back to the GP (we were living in Westport that ran on locums so it was always someone new) who told me that there was nothing other than Gaviscon that they could give me for her! Thankfully I had done my research and knew that was not true! I demanded Ranitidine and even had to work out Mouse’s correct dosage myself! Again they told me it was just colic and that I should use wind drops! (which I was already trying, but as to be expected they weren’t doing any good!) After 2 weeks on Ranitidine and still NO improvement regarding Reflux I took her back to the GP and demanded Losec and a pediatric referral! The GP I saw was a lot more understanding and prescribed 5mg Losec per day and refereed us to pediatrics. We didn’t have a pediatrician on the coast so you had to wait for the visiting pediatrician from ChCh who came once a month I think!
Mouse's feeding issues started to become more of a problem by about 1 month old. She went from being irritable and uncomfortable during and after feeds to flat out refusing to feed! This was heart breaking!!!! As soon as I’d sit down with her and go to Latch her on she’d start arching and screaming! I tried her on a bottle of cow’s milk formula at about this time which was a disaster in every way! She literally choked down the formula and spent the next 24 hours miserable!!!! With great discussion with our local Lactation Consultant who is also a registered Nurse and ex-Plunket nurse we decided that Mouse may have a dairy intolerance and I cut dairy out of my diet and didn’t give her cow’s milk formula again!
At hernext weigh in she had again lost weight and the Midwife started to become quite concerned. She wondered that perhaps Mouse had a urine infection so tested her urine! This showed some leukocytes so she suggested we take her to the a/h docs for anti b’s! We did and he prescribed Anti b’s and after explaining Mouse’s feeding/reflux issues he made another referral, an urgent one this time, to pediatrics. He also suggested that I take her back to the GP the next day and get another urgent referral to hurry them up! Which I did and they did another referral... so that was 3 referrals in 5 weeks!
A few days later I got a letter from the district health board saying they had received our referrals and that they had classed Mouse as semi – urgent and that we could expect an appointment ‘within the next 3 months’! I was DEVISTATED at this news! I rung trying to get an apt asap as the feeding was going from bad to worse and her reflux was obviously not improving but they wouldn’t up her Losec dosage until she had seen a pediatrician! No one was prepared to give me a date to see the pediatrician so my husband and I made the decision to take her privately!
At 6 weeks old and with 1 day notice I made the 4-hour trip to Christchurch to see DR Rodney Ford. He said it sounded like reflux, told me to stop breastfeeding and put her on Neocate. He also up’d her Losec to 10mg per day, I also remained dairy free. He graphed her weigh/growth etc. and didn’t seem concerned at all despite the fact she was starting to drop down the centiles, at that stage heading to the 25th!
Once home we battled on for another 6 weeks! I didn’t stop breastfeeding as Dr Ford suggested but I did offer Mouse a bottle every night before bed and occasionally during the day if she wasn’t feeding well from me (which was often!) The bottle was just as disastrous, if not more so, than the breast and Mouse would often only take 10 – 30mls then flat out refuse any more regardless of how it was offered (boob/bottle)
During that 6 weeks we made numerous trips to the GP as her feeding had got so bad that it was not uncommon for her to go 10 – 15 hours without a feed! I was an emotional wreck and as I’m sure you can appreciate also feeling HUGE amounts of guilt for 1) Mouse’s condition and 2) my older child who wasn’t getting the time or attention she deserved from me. When we did see GP’s they all seemed more interested in my mental health, questioning me and assessing me for post-natal depression, than they did in Mouse! I got called neurotic and stressed and told I needed to ‘take time for myself’.... I didn’t have PND at all I was just a very strung out, worried mother who needed someone to listen to me! I had a very unwell child and I seemed to be the only one who cared!
By 3 1/2 months old I was so worried about Mouse’s growth/weight gains and feeding issues (and the reflux that was still at the root of it all) that I rung Nelson, Christchurch and Greymouth hospitals asking all of them to admit Mouse for monitoring and help! She was refusing feeds more than ever, was lethargic, pale and generally unwell. None of them said they could help me and all told me to go to the GP, which as I’ve said I’d done a number of times to no avail!!
I decided at around that time to give up breastfeeding and put Mouse on the Neocate full time. I wanted to be able to ‘see’ how much she was/wasn’t taking and keep a record of it to show the doctors! Once I made the choice to only bottle feed and write down her intake it became apparent how little she was actually taking! Often she’d only have 20 – 40 mls per feed, she would never ever take more than probably a max of 60-70 mls per feed (and that was exceptional and worth a party!) I found that if I ‘dream fed’ her in her sleep she would often take feeds better as I guess she was unaware! I was setting my alarm and getting up to feed her 3 hourly overnight!
After about a week of this I became more concerned than ever. Mouse was taking on average about 300 – 500 mls in a 24-hour period which is not enough when you are 3 months old! She had dropped well below the 15th centile and was heading on a collision course with falling off the bottom of the charts! She was so pale and very lethargic. She barely smiled or laughed and was clearly one very sad upset little girl! I rung our emergency department on a Sunday night not long before she was 4 months old in tears begging them to admit her to hospital, I didn’t care if I had to travel to ChCh, it could have been Timbuctoo I just wanted to be taken seriously and for Mouse to be well! The nurse I spoke with told me there was nothing they could do that night as the locum had gone home and that I should take her to see the GP in the morning! I was beside myself as you can imagine but there was nothing else I could do besides get up 3 hourly overnight getting what food I could into my baby girl!
The next morning, I went back to the GP yet again and begged her to admit Mouse to hospital. I was distraught, and cried so much the Dr again was more interested in my mental health!!!!! She called ChCh pediatric ward but they said that Mouse wasn’t ‘acute’ and they didn’t have a bed for her! She also called Nelson who said we weren’t in their DHB and they couldn’t help! I asked the Dr what I supposed to do next! She called the booking unit and managed to get me the much awaited apt with the visiting pediatrician 2 weeks from that day! I expressed my concern with the time delay stressing that I thought she didn’t have 2 weeks (all while still balling!!) I also stressed to her Mouse’s lack of growth/weight gains etc. (at almost 4 months she was still under 5kg and still wearing 0000 clothing!) her response to me was ”you’ve survived 3 months what’s another 2 weeks” and “perhaps she’s a dwarf!”... I left the doctors that day not just worried, sad, and feeling lost but absolutely FURIOUS!!! I contacted my mother in law (who lives in Palmerston north) on the way home and explained our most recent Dr's visit to her! At the time she was working as a practice nurse for a GP. She spoke to the Dr she worked for and he said that if we could get to Palmerston North he would get Mouse admitted to Palmerston Norths pediatric ward! So a few days later we headed to Nelson to catch flights up to Palmerston North!
The day before we were due to fly out Mouse took a huge turn for the worst... in a 24-hour period she’d taken less than 150mls and had also had some diarrhea plus projectile vomiting! By midafternoon on the 11th of November I was so worried about her I took her to Nelson A & E. They treated her for dehydration with electrolytes and told me she had a stomach bug! I explained her history and feeding problems, reflux, the lot with the emergency doctor and I told her I was adamant she did not have a bug and could they admit her! I was told that they could only treat the acute issue, which at that time was dehydration, and that her ongoing reflux and feeding issues really should be handled by a pediatrician who, if they thought it was necessary, would admit her themselves! I bawled to the doctor begging her to do anything she could to get Mouse admitted!!! Again my mental health was questioned, and still it was fine!!!!!
Thankfully that kind doctor listened and she went off to make a phone call to the pediatric consultant but said she couldn’t make any promises! We were left to wait for about 40 mins but when that ED Dr came back she put her hand on my shoulder and said “we’re going to bring her in, and we’re going to make her better!. Still to this day when I think of that moment I break down! I have never cried with such relief, joy, heartache or happiness all at the same time!!! I sobbed like a little baby on the doctor’s shoulder, after 4 months of no one listening or caring this one women at the end of her shift said 1 sentence that lifted tons and tons of weight off me!
So within an hour of that conversation we’d been transferred to the ward, Mouse had her NG tube put in and I watched my little girl get 100mls of food. It was the happiest moment in ages! Mouse was in hospital for 11 days. She was on 3 hourly feeds day and night and her Losec dose increased to 15mg per day.
She was only getting 100mls per feed and at first was struggling to keep it in, the first 3 – 4 days involved a lot of super projectile power chucking. The Dr said her stomach capacity was obviously a lot less and it may take some time for her to adjust to new quantities. I was so sad to realise that my wee girl could not even cope with 100mls, she had never had such a full tummy before. He said it was apparent her body was used to a lot less than this! They tested her poo and vomit and ruled out the suspected stomach bug, they came to the conclusion her body was in the beginning stages of ‘shutting down’ due to dehydration and malnutrition.
While in Hospital we saw a Speech Therapist who checked Mouse for an oral aversion and also arranged a barium swallow to check that her ‘plumbing’ was ok! As Mouse happily sucked her dummy and put her fingers etc. in her mouth they ruled out an oral aversion and the barium swallow showed no abnormalities but confirmed severe reflux! She said that it was very important to ALWAYS offer Mouse her feed orally first, allowing her to take what she would, 0 – 40mls on average, then top up via the NG tube. She also said it was important for Mouse to be sucking her dummy while having a tube feed too so she associates the sucking reflex with getting a full belly!
Mouse also saw a Nutritionist who determined exactly how many calories per day she needed not only to maintain growth but also to catch up on the growth she’d fallen behind in! Mouse was to take NO LESS than 800mls per day and was also given some stuff called DuoCal, which is basically powdered calories that were to be added to every bottle! We discussed introducing solids but I decided I wanted to take things one step at a time and sort out her milk intake first. Plus, Mouse wasn’t in the slightest bit ready for solids.
After about 6 days in hospital on the advice of a friend I took her to see an osteopath who specialised in Cranio Sacral therapy. This is considered to be ‘alternative’ treatment and is not recognised by ‘general medical professionals’. If you’ve not heard of them before they treat spinal, cranium (head) bone structure etc. It is important, I think, to see one who does a lot of work with babies as this one did. After a brief examination he concluded that Mouse’s T3 vertebrae was so far displaced and twisted he’d never seen anything so severe in a baby so young and he also said that her ‘gag’ reflex in her mouth was so far forward it was no wonder she didn’t tolerate things in her mouth! He said that the T3 vertebra if out of alignment can cause a lot of stomach upset, digestion problems and irritability. He 'adjusted’ her spine and jaw structure and told me to come back in 3 days. I think that the upset to her T3 was caused at birth, she was engaged 6 weeks prior to being born and I also went from 7cm and a posterior baby to her turning, me getting to 10cm and pushing her out all within a 5 min time frame! I think perhaps the trauma of that may have cause the damage.
The following day Mouse had one of her worst days on history... she SCREAMED the entire children’s ward down for the majority of the day! I was beside myself again just wishing my little girl would get better. I wrote the Cranio sacral therapist off that day but still decided to go back for the follow up... not holding too much hope though! Mouse didn’t see her consultant for 3 days due to him being in Australia so I hadn’t discussed the treatment with him prior to going and he wasn’t there for her bad day! The next day however Mouse woke up happy, for the first time in her life she lay on her tummy and lifted her own head up (she hadn’t been able to do this previously) She spent the day laughing and smiling! She still wasn’t taking adequate amounts of food orally but she wasn’t so distressed after her feeds! It was almost like having a different girl! I took Mouse back to the therapist the following day and explained to him about her ‘bad’ day... He immediately apologised for not warning me but apparently it is ‘normal’ for there to be a day where things seem worse before it gets better! He ‘adjusted’ Mouse again and sent us on our way wishing us all the best for the future!
The next day when her consultant was back he came to do his ward rounds and the first thing he said was “The nurses tell me you swapped the baby, who’s the happy little girl you have now and what did you do?” ... I told him about the therapist and that I understood he didn’t recognise the treatment, that it was ‘alternative’, but that I truly believed it’s helped! He was great and said that yes although it wasn’t something he knew anything about he also respected and understood that the human body is far more complex than he will ever know and sometimes there are treatments that he may not recommend but that have been proven to work. He said no harm was done to Mouse and in this case it seemed to have made a dramatic difference! We were still facing feeding issues and reflux but our little girl seemed so much happier! Her fluid intake did increase slightly but not near enough to remove the tube. We decided to keep her in for another few days for monitoring but as long as she remained the same they would discharge us with the tube in place.
So after 11 days in hospital, just 4 months old and with a weight gain of 400grams (Mouse was finally over 5kg!) She was discharged home with the tube in. We were to continue 3 hourly feeds during the day and demand feeding overnight! She was on 15mg of Losec, Neocate and DuoCal. She wasn’t 100% better we still had a battle but I felt confident that things were looking up for her!
Well once home we were facing yet more battles. As I discovered feeding tubes and little baby fingers aren’t very compatible! Mouse pulled her tube out within 24 hrs of getting home. I called the local A & E, no one was qualified to put a pediatric NG tube in. Try the GP’s. So I did, same response. I called the Midwives, District Nurses, Plunket anyone I could think of all of whom said the same thing - can’t do it! My only choice was to take Mouse to Greymouth (1.5 hours’ drive each way) to get it re-inserted by the pediatrician nurse down there. Faced with the long round trip I contacted a friend who is a nurse and asked if she’d put one in before, she said she’d put in adult ones, surely it was the same with babies, and that she’d happily put it in for me. So Mouse and I went round to her place with the box of supplies from the hospital (new tubes, PH strips etc.) and she re-inserted it on the lounge room floor! Not at all what should have been happening but I felt we had no other options! I certainly didn’t have the support in Westport from the medical professionals that I needed!
Mouse pulled her tube out every few days for a week or so and eventually I got so fed up with the situation I decided I was going to battle on without it if I could. Obviously had Mouse deteriorated I would have resumed tube feeding asap! I called up her Nutritionist at Nelson Hospital and explained what I intended to do. She discussed with me about bare minimum daily intake etc. and when I needed to put the tube back in! Mouse was to take 500mls per day absolute minimum, definitely no less than! She was to continue to have DuoCal EVERY feed and I was to attempt to give her solids to, anything that she’d take pretty much. This too was to contain a scoop of DuoCal! I knew I was going to have a hard road ahead but I felt I didn’t have the support here to continue on with the NG tube. It wasn’t a nice battle and it wasn’t easy but I feel I made the right choice for Mouse and although at times I felt awful for it I feel I did the right thing!
Mouse wasn’t interested in solids much at all. The only way I could get them in was to make them watery and syringe them into the back of her mouth while she was lying on the floor. She wasn’t yet sitting and if she was upright at all she would just spit it out. In effect I was force feeding her... of course I wouldn’t let it get to the point of her becoming upset or distressed but it was clear developmentally she wasn’t ready for solids.... but we didn’t have a choice! I feed her pumpkin, avocado and rice cereal mainly! From day 1 I was giving her 3 meals per day! As much as she would take per feed, no restrictions! None of this offer a teaspoon to start etc. usually she’d take 20 – 50mls of solids per feed... which considering her age was pretty good!
Although she was taking solids ok her milk intake was still very poor. It was only with more ‘dream feeding’ that I was maintaining her bare minimum intake of only 500mls in 24 hrs. I decided that something had to change and I choose the formula. Although it was recommended and prescribed by the pediatrician I decided to try something new for a week, it couldn’t do her any harm. I thought that perhaps her aversion to taking the Neocate may in fact be the taste. I honestly wouldn’t drink the stuff either it’s foul! After the disaster with cow’s milk formula we decided to try her on 'Goats Milk’. I did a bit of research on the net about goat’s milk and reflux and there was a lot of positive feedback about it! Although expensive ($43 per tin!!!!) we gave it a go! Oh My God, what a difference!!!!!! Instead of the usual pathetic efforts to feed before refusing Mouse started to drink on average 70 – 90mls per feed on her own!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy I can not explain in words! She started to average about 700mls in 24 hrs on her own which was so close to what the nutritionist recommended to catch up her growth I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome!
We finally saw the visiting pediatrician on the coast when Mouse was about 5 months old. Even with the hospital report and my story he said reflux didn’t exist and that she just had a case of ‘miserable’. Regarding the cranio therapist he said I’d wasted my money...When he asked if I’d like a follow up I politely declined! Mouse has not seen a pediatrician since... I have managed her condition myself!
We still battled on with solids, and she still had bad days with her bottles to. I recorded every single little ml of anything that went into her until she was about 6 months old and some days weren’t good but they were becoming less and less! By about 6 months old Mouse was showing lots of interest in her solids and I wasn’t having to syringe them into her anymore. She was eating like a normal baby! She still never drank more than 150mls of milk per feed but she was meeting her daily targets still so that made me happy... and if she was falling behind I’d just slip in an extra dream feed during the night! She still had reflux and things were still hard but I knew we had reached the top of the hill; our big battle was over!
I wrote this when Mouse was 1 she was still on Losec but we were reducing her dose. She hadn’t yet hit the tonne but was 9.5kg! I look back at the first 6 months and wonder how on earth I ever survived! How did I get through all that and without getting PND, I was screened for it enough! I totally credit the Cranio sacral therapist for Mouse’s turn around, that and Goats Milk! And also not giving into the tube! For me it wasn’t a permanent option... we had to find alternatives. As I said I didn’t always feel good about what I had to do and it wasn’t always nice... but for her it was the right thing!
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Willed - To have a specified level of determination, intense desire or wish, deliberate, try to make someone do something or make something happen by exercising mental powers.
]]>Willed - To have a specified level of determination, intense desire or wish, deliberate, try to make someone do something or make something happen by exercising mental powers.
Butter wouldn't melt in this mouth!
When my daughter was 5 days old I got the first glimpse into what raising a strong willed child would be like. Due to the pain associated with reflux she exercised her strength of will and refused to feed. Fast forward 3 and half months and we were in a hospital ward where my then 'failure to thrive' baby was being fed via a nasal gastric tube due to her continued refusal to feed. Her paediatric consultant said to me during that stay that he had never encountered a baby of such a young age with such a strong will! He said to me "she is going to drive you mental trying to raise her but it will stand her in good steed for the future!" - He wasn't wrong on the drive me mental part.... the future is yet to come. I have always claimed my daughter will make the papers; either she will do something amazing like cure cancer or you will find 46 bodies buried in her backyard... I hope it's the first option.
I haven't always believed my daughter was just 'strong willed', I've searched for something concrete, measurable, diagnosable to explain her often extreme behaviour. In the process she was diagnosed with Dyslexia which explained a few things and certainly made communicating with her easier but it most defiantly did not increase the length of her somewhat short fuse.
I remember when she was a toddler and other mothers would comment on how 'stubborn' their children were. They would say things like "little Mary can pack a real tantrum, the other day I couldn't calm her down for an whole 30 minutes!" I used to envy their minor 30 mins of screaming as my daughter could pack a solid 3 hour tantrum without loosing any steam!
From about the age of 1 she used to hold her breath until she turned blue and passed out. This happened whenever we tried to put her pyjamas on at night or whenever we put her in her car seat. The first time I was so scared by what was happening but after a lot of research, Dr's appointments and confidence in myself I just ignored the behaviour. Thankfully she soon realised it wasn't going to get her anywhere or gain her anything and by about 2 she had stopped doing it. The look on people faces as I buckled a blue child into a car seat who then passed out on me was priceless.
Probably the biggest issue I've had in raising my strong willed daughter is the battle I have with myself as a parent. I have constantly questioned myself and my parenting style. I've doubted everything I've ever done with her and analysed every moment in her life wondering if I could have changed anything that would have meant she wasn't so extreme. I've thought I've been to hard and disciplined too much, I've thought I was too weak and allowed her to control situations. I've blamed myself over an over and over again for the constant battles she brings to our family. It's taken 9 years but I think I've finally accepted that she is just 'strong willed' and I will hang on for the ride and hope that Dr was right and her determination will infect stand her in good steed.
So how do you know if you are raising a Strong Willed child? Here's a few things I've learnt....
1. They can throw a tantrum, and I don't mean the whinge a bit or cry occasionally. I mean they blow their top on a regular basis over some of the most minor things. Some sure fire tantrum inducing moments in my house include suggesting she take a shower, asking her to tidy her room or telling her she needs to pick up her stuff. The tantrums are loud, they are long and they can not be calmed or controlled. They are instantaneous there is no warning they hit like a brick to the face!
2. They like to do things their way and only their way and most importantly when they want to and on their terms. Theres little room for negotiation and even less desire for them to want to possibly change their views. They're often called 'bossy' or controlling. If you're in a positive mood and looking from a happy perspective you could say they are good leaders. Another positive is they probably can't be sway to do anything the don't want to do, a great bit of character for a teenager, not so much a threenager!
3. They are often little angles for everyone else! This was the ONLY factor about my daughter that reassured me I hadn't completely failed her. She is perfectly behaved at school and with other people, she's well mannered, compliant and friendly. If I ever tell teachers about the child I live with at home they are completely shocked and always she say she is NEVER like that here. I figured if she didn't pack tantrums at school she has full control over her emotions and choses to exercise the right to express them in my 4 walls.
4. They can argue and argue and argue. You say black they say white, you say now they say later, you say No they say Yes.. you get it?! and they often do it with arms folded all while stamping their foot!
5. Their character has always just been this way and you don't remember a time when it was any different. Like I mentioned earlier we noticed our daughters will at only 5 days old and it's never faltered. This is who she is, it's always been like this and I'm confident it always will be. As a parent of a child with this sort of character you need to hope you teach them the skills they need to make the right choices in life and their determination, persistence, iron will and grit will do the rest!
Lastly, to all the parents of strong willed kids out there I just want to say well done. Well done for standing your ground in the line of fire, well done for taking that deep breath when deep down all you want to do is scream back at them, well done for showing them kindness and compassion only moments after they've almost broken your will to live and well done for creating a little human being who has the fire of a dragon in them and is likely to change the world! Our strong willed children are our leaders, or movers and shakers. They questions the status quo and change things if they see fit. They are our drivers and motivators and they are going to make you very very proud one day.... unless they find 46 bodies buried in their back yard!
Take care and best wishes
Zalie xxx
If you'd like to see us write about something else send your ideas to thestorknetwork@gmail.com
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Take Care & Best Wishes
Zalie xxxxx
If you'd like to see us write about something else send your ideas to thestorknetwork@gmail.com
© 2017 The Stork Network Ltd
]]>All to often when we think of going to the toilet it's just considered as a single action and if our children don't successfully wee or poo then we don't consider that attempt a success or an achievement when actually they may have succeeded to achieve many other steps in the process.
We've decided to share with you all the 9 steps to going toilet, animportant process that you need to remember when toilet training your little ones!
Step 1 - Acknowledge the need to go to the toilet by telling an adult.
I don't know about you but I still announce to anyone around me when I need to go to the toilet; usually politely with a simple 'excuse me I've just got to go to the loo' and less like my husband who announces to the neighbourhood 'Just going to take a shit love!' However we announce it we announce it, even if it's just a simple acknowledgement to ourselves that we need to pee, we've listened to our bladder and acknowledged the need. Our children are no different - they too need to acknowledge the fact that their bladder is full and they then need to tell us or the lady scanning the groceries at the supermarket! By making this acknowledgement and letting someone know they have successfully achieved the first step in the toileting process. Well done them!
Step 2 - Go to the toilet room.
This is a very important step in the entire process as peeing where we please is actually not socially acceptable; despite the midnight actions of some drunken members of society. On the odd occasion i.e long car trips, bush walks etc, there can sometimes be the need to embrace the outdoor jungle wee but for the most part the place we want our children to wee and poo is on the toilet. For some children even going near the toilet can be a huge hurdle and if you are struggling to get your little one to make friends with the cold porcelain throne you need to overcome this as your first priority. For those who will happily go into the toilet room well done you can move onto step 3!
Step 3 - Pull down your pants/underwear.
To wee or poo on the toilet we must expose our bottoms by way of removing our clothing. For adults this means simply pulling down our pants etc but be warned, for children this process can often mean removing socks, shoes, t-shirts, pants, undies, hair ties and anything else they are wearing! I don't know why kids desire to take on the role of nudest to have a crap but they do and it's ok behaviour when you're 3. I know as a parent this can be completely frustrating especially when you are right in the middle of shuffling the troops into the car for the morning school run but just remember they are learning - is it worth the fight or can you spare an additional few minutes of your time to undress and redress them before you leave; getting to your destinations 5 mins later is much more enjoyable than arriving on time and frustrated with an upset child!
Step 4 - Sit on the toilet (or for boys who want to wee this might mean standing)
Simple right?! Now imagine that the toilet comes up to your chest and the place you have to sit is 8 x the size of your rear end and anything that falls into it often gets flushed into oblivion! You are precariously perched on the edge of the seat butt hanging into the abyss below, you are hanging on for dear life with white knuckles - are you feeling a little scared???? Sometimes sitting on the toilet itself can be a very terrifying and nervous time for our little ones, having something like a children's toilet seat can really help them to feel more comfortable and more secure whilst upon the throne.
Step 5 - TRY to do a wee or a poo.
Now this is either the golden moment of success and celebration or for some a moment of disappointment when nothing occurs. If they have mastered the art of controlling their elimination muscles for this attempt and manage a voluntary wee or poo that is wonderful - embrace that little creature tight, fist pump, high five, praise the living daylights out of them! Ring dad and grandma at work at share the good news. However, if nothing happens that is ok too! You still need to praise the effort! Hugs, high fives and words of encouragement are still. just as important - remember they have still successfully achieved 5 other steps to reach this point.
Step 6 - Wipe your bottom (or get help).
Two words people - DOWNWARD DOG! That yoga move is one that all children should know and it will make the art of butt wiping a much easier task for they lucky parent who draws the short straw! Obviously the long term plan is for them to be taking care of this step themselves but you may not want them to have that responsibility right from the start (hint - Skiddies!)
Step 7 - Pull up their pants.
Or, as discussed above, this step could require completely redressing or just because kids can be a total pain in the ass you may find they also need a full outfit change just because they have gone off the clothes they were wearing for 6 and a half minutes prior to going toilet. In my experience kids find removing clothes a much easier step then putting them on so good luck with this one - you may need to help!
Step 8 - Flush the toilet.
Oh the JOY! Watching that water go round and round and suck down the toilet paper, the poo, dads cellphone and their sisters favourite teddy too! Kids (most) love to flush the toilet, in fact I do wonder if half of the time they fake needing to go toilet just to get to flush the bloody thing. Seriously though this step is just as important as the rest as no one likes to come across a dirty great turd that hasn't been flushed; try and establish this habit early their future spouse will thank you for it!
Step 9 - Wash your hands.
Washing hands completes the toileting process as well as ensuring good hygiene- it reduces the spread of shitty bugs that cause snotty noses and vomit! Kids love water and bubbles so getting this step right shouldn't be too hard.
If you have made it this far well done - you now know the 9 steps to going toilet! When helping our kids to toilet train it's really important to ensure that they learn to complete all these steps so go through them all at every attempt. Even if nothing happens don't forget that they have in fact achieved so many other things so every attempt and effort must be acknowledged and praised.
With lots of love, support, encouragement and many a swear word under your breath you and your wee one will reach that stage where toilet training is a thing of the past and you will be tackling a new challenge like the know-it-all pre-teen or teaching them to drive!
Best Wishes and Good Luck
Zalie xxxxx
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